I’d love to be starting this post by telling you all I’m in a great place on my journey to accepting my body and feeling body positive, but that would be a lie. I have always been 100% honest on this blog and there will never be an exception to that rule, especially when the subject is as emotive as Body Positivity.
I’ve never had a good relationship with my body, always been ashamed of it, always needed to hide it. I’m trying, I need to stop these feelings but they creep up unawares. We had a family occasion this weekend, as with all occasions, there was food. Lots of lovely delicious food. Despite being not well, I did enjoy the cheese (less pungent when you can only half taste it you know!) The Wensleydale with cranberries, the Brie and the Camembert baked with honey…they were the highlights for me. The crackers too of course and the wine, best not forget the wine. And the guilt, throw that in too for good measure.
I vowed some time ago to never associate food with guilt ever again, especially at a time like this weekend, when it was a family occasion, a real treat, not food that we could indulge in every day but no, that asshole, GUILT, crept up on me, shaming me for having something nice. ‘You’ll never fit into anything nice’ ‘Look at you, have you no self-respect?’ ‘Do you not think you’ve had enough?’
I’ve spoken before about my weight issues, I’m not going to get into it now. If you are a regular reader here you will also know that I have quite the catalogue of recipes, all of which reflect what is cooked in my home on a regular basis, it’s not unfair or arrogant of me to say that we have a healthy balance and we do have treats when there are family occasions. I am very conscious of ensuring my children do not grow up with the same issues I have, I don’t ban food but they are aware of what is a treat. I promote home cooking and keep processed food to a minimum. I do not want them to ever experience body shame or food guilt. I can only hope I am succeeding, however, we only get one chance at parenting, it’s a constant learning curve where the most we can do is our best.
It’s the hardest thing in the world, trying to accept yourself and your body when it’s been battling you for 30+ years….that’s a long time, isn’t it? To be at war with oneself. I’ll be honest, it saddens me.
I’ll get over this glitch, I plan to read lots of positive pieces, devour the Body Positive Ireland Facebook page, I will look in the mirror, seek the good bits and focus on them.
It’s not easy to share the blips as well as the positive stuff, but I genuinely feel it’s important; this isn’t a walk in the park and if you’re having tough days too, you are not alone. We are only human.